Sunday Daydreaming
Every piece of art is someone's highest and best dream; closing the gap between our realities, and sharing the mental maths created through being human. Our dreams are the reconciliation of our day, our life; our existence. Whichever form, medium we choose, or outlet we manage to create that share our totality = Magic.
Comedians make us laugh through sharing the horrors and joys they've learned to reconcile. They paint us a picture and shock us with their punchlines. Scientists, write books, theories or thesis outlining discovery and proof. Each professional spells out their journey, sharing the conclusions they drew, the Magic found or created once the Moment had passed, delighting in their conclusions. hjg
The internet provided a space for ALL of us to partake in that journey, freed from some of the Systems + Institutions' control, for a bit. The internet was a safe space to investigate topics your current reality didn't let you explore. The Power created by providing a platform to connect us can be harnessed; once we understand eachother again. Message boards, groups, blogs and YouTube channels were and sometimes still are bastions of Learning Out Loud, in as real-time the editing, proofing and marketing, and sales, and negative reviews/comments and financial pressures allow.
I Launched May 1st <3 Goal set one week prior; while swirling in a sea of disconnected discoveries. Enlightenments I felt like a fraud and fool naming enlightenments; until I framed them as lightening my baggage for new comprehension. Armored with new focus only a deadline can conjure I opened a blank document on my ReMarkable (OMG, I LOVE you. Best product ever) + two hours of flow state writing, as free and easy as I’d ever encountered followed. The next morning when I sat to type my mission out. The backbone of whatever my website was going to be was corrupt. For the first time in 4ish years of regular use; I lost a file.
I sat in shock and felt my soul leave my body, (in the normal way not some new fancy way thank fuck) I quietly stared at the icon I didn’t even know existed, my full-blown Jennifer Lawrence reaction being held back by my refusal to lose any more time. It was Friday Morning, and I was not working all weekend because I had to “practise what I preach” Thanks, Mom. I opened a new page and Holy shit, my Mission statement flowed right out.
A 180° change from the day before + 100% better. I was so pressed for time I didn’t even proof it I just sent it to my Husband and an important friend. The human who gifted me Power vs. Force; a book I didn't finish nor fully comprehend, but it brought two edges of myself onto the game board. My friend giving me a book, allowed me to build a framework for understanding how to unravel the things I cannot see.
When our friend replied, “Is this a Dual Thesis?” I was blown the fuck away. I felt like I’d been speaking gibberish and her response had me realising I’d not finished yet. I added a paragraph or two and had it ready for my website?! What website? The one I made up 48 hours earlier. K. Her validation and understanding gave me the acknowledgement I required for the next steps to fall into place. I wrote and designed the rest of the webpages by May 1st (including another lost file - this time handled with an epic meltdown- turns out it needed a software update ;P sorry ReMarkable) and Thanks <3 to my software engineer husband for uploading an unholy number of posts, with a vile # of hashtags (a number so high it required googling traffic stats, agreeing on future standards and a couple of hours processing time lol xoxo) to my new Instagram/Facebook pages and getting the site live after I hit the publish button around dinner time.
The moment I was Live I sent the link to a few people. The ones who knew what I was up to, or I knew would get what I was up to even more than I did myself. I sent it out to my tribe; the most vulnerable honest version of myself I can post on a website; as up-to-date as I am, because that’s the most accurate form of communication. That’s the place where the Real magic happens. (like also definitely in bed too - Sorry, not sorry Mom) When we’re most open to change and growth + trust and respect the source. I’d had plans for a launch video, more steps and goals to test my theories, but I was tired.
I'd received the acknowledgement I needed, my girls rallied around me. The ones I’ve been drinking wine and pontificating with these past years, or sharing raw stories of our hearts in intermittent texts. My version of the circles that have kept our societies in check; wherever I look. The roundtable of humans who see you on the most core level because that’s where you engage. I’m blessed to have a Scientist of Friendship and Fun in my crew, a cosmic Wonder of Hearts Song, a Logical keeper of Folklore & Boundaries, A Spiritual Titan and my Witch(s). The mirrors I’ve been blessed to share my reality with so they can keep me pointed in the right direction. Whatever the fuck that means.
Well, this time it meant I could chill for a moment and breathe. We May the 4th’ed. Kinda. (StarWars Post Pending LMFAO) We relaxed and watched multiple inches of snow block me from my evening with Mr. David Sedaris. 💔
I slept-in till 7:30 then snuggled into my Husband and Cat to ponder how life can feel like 50 First Dates. How it felt to fly through my days, only to be up late at night not wanting to go to sleep. Knowing I would wake up in the morning and have to spend the whole day fighting myself back to the surface only for Me to drift off again in the next night's slumber. I was a night owl, until I found my early bird. I relish the clarity and length of a day flowing from one task to the next; until I run out of steam, or fucks, or ideas and I’m comforted knowing tomorrow Me is the keeper of the fucks; not fully spent me. I've made myself a playbook like the one made with Lucy to keep her moving forward, rather than holding herself and everyone that loves her hostage.
Then THIS pops into my newsfeed. An article about a book I’ve never heard of explaining The problem in perfect detail. I requested permission to link the article, and the columnist replied before I got out of bed; Yes and to explore UTOK.
First paragraph of their website:
“We are living in an Age of Confusion, where the current state of our knowledge is chaotic and fragmented. Much of humanity is experiencing a crisis of sense and meaning making, and our mental health is poor. We need better knowledge systems to effectively coordinate our actions to meet the large scale challenges we face.”
Owning ALL of our experiences equally + Not being forced to decide which of ourselves we present to the world is the Key to solving our current problems. We don't need to stop masking only for mental health. We need to stop masking to communicate effectively. We need to stop fighting; so we can acknowledge our commonality; + move on. My tribe kept me moving forward and open to my journey.
My mind could not be more blown. I knew people were solving this problem, I just didn’t know where to start. AND my website has had FIFTY-EIGHT visitors!!! People from US, Canada, Australia & Belgium have landed in my MayDay mix and the algorithm brought me to my next line to explore. My experiment was a success.
Till Next Time - Cooperation,
Chelsey Laraine
-xo
PS shout out to all the other family and friends I’ve been chatting with too <3 I think it's creative license or something but I appreciate you all so much xoxo
